When someone has come to see you, try to keep quiet as long as possible. It takes a long time for them to get through their prepared speeches. It is only after they have exhausted those and you are still being quiet that they might actually admit what the problem is. You have to be tough with people. When the couple says there is no unfaithfulness, they just aren’t satisfied with one another, you have to call them on it. Let them explain away for 15 or 20 minutes. Then say: “Okay, but I just want to get this straight, because I think it will be the very first time I’ve ever had a couple come to me at this point and there wasn’t some cheating. Usually they both know it and one is still covering for the other. So you are both saying that there has not been any affairs? No kissing, no love letters, no touching outside of this marriage?” Look them right in the eye. They might still deny it, but when it comes out later they’ll know they lied to you and that you know it. It is the same way with other sins and difficulties. You have got to be hard on them because all men are liars and we all try to spin things to make ourselves look better.

When it comes to morality, you have to issue absolute commands: “This must stop. You do not owe your mistress anything. She knew what she was doing. I’ll call her for you right now. What is her phone number? This cannot go on. No lunch to end it. No meetings. You are to never see her again!” They won’t like it. But you have to be firm. It is the same with pornography, gambling addictions, alcoholism, etc. There is no weaning off these things. It takes a cold-turkey stop. The people will try to work you. You’ll be tempted to go easy on them. Don’t. This is no game.